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Dear Diary: Breaking the Surface

Art by Andreya Klobucar

Although I am standing on the high dive about to jump into an ocean of unknown adulthood, I will try not to panic.


Dear Diary,

So this is what the summer before your senior year feels like. It feels like I’m on a high dive full of nervous anticipation while I look down below at an ocean I am about to jump into where underneath lies The Great Barrier Reef of the future. Although I can’t see much of what is under the surface of the water, I know there are rocks of stress and college applications waiting for me to make a hard landing on. I don’t really think I had expectations for what this summer would feel like, but I can tell you I did not expect this.

When I was younger and would naively daydream about what it would be like to be a teenager, I always envisioned that I would have all this freedom. Freedom to be able to drive where I want whenever I want, have a boyfriend, have fun all the time with my friends, and have a job. None of these things ended up happening though, or at least in the ways I envisioned.

What ended up happening was that I didn’t end up getting my driver’s license, but got an instructor's permit instead. Less freedom, but a better bargain as I don’t really want to pay car insurance for a car I don’t really need right now anyways. I didn’t end up getting a boyfriend, but I don’t mind this. I didn’t end up hanging out with friends all the time, as my recent move resulted in a lack of friends. I ended up getting a job, but not in the way I envisioned. I currently work at a library, and really like it. Although work allows for lots of financial freedom, it takes up time. I’m not remorseful for this overall lack of freedom than what I previously envisioned though, or that none of these daydreams ever ended up becoming a reality. I think everything ended up working out for the best, and I should keep this in mind when I think about college.

College application are just around the corner. This means I have to spend some of my summer hunting for scholarships, starting to think about where I might want to go to college, and preparing my college essay. There is lots of stress when it comes to this. I should keep in mind though how great of an opportunity it is for me to go to college, and how exciting (though stressful) the future will be.

Although I am standing on the high dive about to jump into an ocean of unknown adulthood, I will try not to panic. Between searching for scholarships and looking at college websites I will enjoy this summer of youth I am lucky to have, and try not to get wrapped up too much in preparing for the future. While I may have less freedom than I expected, I am lucky and grateful to have as much as I do


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