It has been a year of discovery, heartache, dedication, solitude, acceptance, and self-love.
I evolved into someone beautiful – A young, graceful, patient woman.
I reclaimed my love.
There were days that I would wake up drowning in my tears, days that I could no longer feel my heart in my body. Days that I was empty, moving through the motions of life, soulless.
For the past few years, I allowed many people to break me and diminish every aspect of loving myself. The experiences with these people resulted in me believing that true love did not exist and that I was not deserving of love.
I was taken advantage of emotionally, financially, and physically. It was not just the boys I was interacting with who were hurting me, I also felt betrayed by my “friends”.This taught me that everyone prioritizes in different ways and that the people with whom I chose to surround myself were willing to choose lies, sex, disloyalty over friendship.
Sometimes you can give nothing but pure love to someone and they will still choose to shatter your heart. Choose to dismiss your capabilities. Choose to see you as someone to be taken advantage of, knowing that you would always be around.
They will see flesh and skin and ignored the heart and soul.
After tending to the fragile pieces of my shattered heart over and over, I truly believed that the love I was receiving was the love I was deserving of. Eventually, life presented me with my potential. I received the knowledge of spiritual solitude. I acknowledged my worth, accepted my truth, and learned what it means to truly love myself.
I learned that if I was going to love myself, fully and truly, I was going to have to take care of more than my body. It was going to take more than face masks and bubble baths. As I learned to nourish my mind and soul, I slowly began to embrace who I am in my natural state.
A woman who is healing. A woman who is vulnerable. A woman who uses the remains of her shattered heart to love as deeply as she can.
Now I experience days where my heart is so full that life does not seem real. Days where I can feel my pastel pink energy pouring out of my body. I have devoted my life to bettering myself and I am evolving into a gracious woman. I am still learning to love myself and other souls again. My body is still growing its heart and though shattered pieces remain on the ground, every day a small piece is added back. And one day it will be full again.
I am thankful for gaining the capability to love again. I thank the universe for allowing me to love so deeply and receive that same amount of love back. I become stronger every day, knowing that I am above my past interactions and that I can still love.
Despite the heartbreak, spitefulness, and disloyalty that life has presented me, I am still here loving as fully as I can. I believe that the universe presented me with these hardships, so I could be blessed with the one person to give all of my love to – as well as myself.
"I am a seed. Planted and rooted into the ground. With the proper care and nourishment, I will grow and blossom into something beautiful."
This year, I am reclaiming my love.
Kat K, a planted seed.
This piece was originally published in print in issue 004: Reclaim