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Dear Diary: Thoughts from July

Photo by Michelle Ledesma


We are the definition of dazed and confused, lost but never really found, young but old at the same time.

As the July heat poured its remnants on me, I drank my wine out of a not-so-sophisticated, ubiquitous red party cup and tried to continue on with my reading. After I finished my reading about a woman's worth (thankfully and actually written by a woman) on an outdated paper from The New York Times, I looked above and stared at the sky. I had questions, as I always do. Questions about life and the pieces that are clinging to it but are floating around somewhere in space waiting for itself to happen. But before those questions, I had only recalled the recent one I asked myself a day before which was: Why am I never truly happy anymore? As a twenty-year-old, I feel that my expectations don’t tie in with my reality. I’M ONLY TWENTY. Why do I feel this way? There goes another question. My expectations are Carrie Bradshaw, but my reality is Emma Roberts in Adult World. Despite the fact that me and Carrie differ in the aspect of success, we both know happiness doesn’t come easy. I only receive fragmented ashes of happiness and then they’re gone. Maybe I spend too much time imagining what I want rather than actually going for it. Or maybe I just spend too much time imagining nothing at all.

At one point in my life I had everything planned out for years to come, in hopes that everything will fall into place without recurring problems, but then I came face-to-face with reality and reality smacked me in the face. I always hear the common saying that life is not complicated unless you let it, but I don’t agree. You can follow your dreams and be successful, but something is always bound to happen whether it’s bad or good. It will take you off track and you are held responsible for making sure you find your way back.

Another question for my fellow twentysomething’s, do you really think the whole “mid-life crisis” concept is intended for those in their mid 30s and beyond? I think not. I know you do, too. We are the definition of dazed and confused, lost but never really found, young but old at the same time. Society puts us on a threshold of DIY’s. We are taught that working is the key to success. We are taught that mistakes in the “real world” are not O.K. Why is that? We’re still young regardless of our own thoughts about growing up. We learn new things everyday.

Sadness, failure, and questions are all a part of growing up.

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