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Dear Diary: Melt

Collage by Andreya


It’s Brooklyn Heights and we’re standing on the roof of Dean’s apartment.

There’s cars inching their way through rush hour and businessmen missing their subways and a woman passing out pamphlets about finding Jesus below us. There’s pigeons and airplanes and endless clouds above us. And we are in the in between. And it feels calm. It feels like beauty and rain hitting pavement, so smooth and sudden. I feel like I’m melting. Like I’m going in so many different directions, I became all of them at once. I feel like I could spread out over all five boroughs. Manhattan with FIT and Owen and nostalgia of being afraid of all the constant bustling but at the same time not being able to get enough. Queens with Alex and May and Carin and sculpture parks with Lily and that Jackson Hole in Astoria. Bronx bringing late night subway rides, getting off at any stop that looked interesting with Jesse and then having to walk to our original destination.

Staten Island, Julia and the ferry always being a pain. And Brooklyn. Dean and Anna and Thea and Ross and Dylan and all these people that I feel like loving every day and wanting to spend every night like this. I want to live in a mindset where I don’t believe I’ll fall off any second. I want to rush through every 11:47 pm with laughter and warmth and love, so much love. And I don’t even mind if we have to listen to Cat Stevens while doing so. I could listen to “Wild World” over and over again and not complain if I could just have reassurance that tomorrow I’ll still feel this way; I’ll be full of life and unlimited love for myself and the people around me.

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