In ASK US
My name is Lylo and I'm 17. I've been insecure for like...ever since I can remember, but, it has only grown worse as I get older. In high school, if you don't wear the proper clothes or makeup and you don't have 100+ likes on your Instagram posts, then nobody even knows your name. I have my small group of friends but, I still get very lonely at times, and the fact that I'm insecure makes me feel like I'm not pretty or skinny enough to have more friends - if that makes sense. I feel like nobody knows who I really am, except for my two best friends. Ugh, this is so frustrating. I wish things we're different for me and that I'd somehow not hate myself.
Let me start off by saying that I’m really glad you do have close friends who support you, and I’m glad that you recognize that your insecurity is hurting you; this is half the battle. It is very common for people in our age group to feel alone and overlooked, especially because of social media; snapshots and tweets are not always representations of reality.
If social media is making you feel inadequate, I strongly recommend taking a break from it. It is a common habit for many girls to follow people they don't really like, or even to follow people that make them feel insecure about their own appearance; I strongly recommend unfollowing everyone that you don't have genuine interest in, or anyone who’s photos makes you feel bad about yourself for one reason or another.
It may seems like downsizing your social media circles is the opposite of the solution to your problem, but it can help you feel less bombarded by these self-depreciating messages. I’m glad you do have a small group of friends that you can share your true self with; this is what really counts. I hope your friends and family remind you that you are beautiful, regardless of your size, your clothes, and your makeup! I really recommend talking to an adult that has the means to help you, for example, a guidance counsellor or even a social worker.
I really recommend to reading/listening to Tara Brach, an American psychologist who focuses largely on self love and emotional healing. She talks about how to train your brain like a muscle; if you train it to think positively, this will become easier and more natural:
1. Recognize when you are spiralling into self depreciating thoughts such as I am not skinny enough, I would be better if I wore/bought this, people would like me if only I were pretty, etc.
2. Pause and reflect: what triggered these thoughts? Make a note to dodge this in the future.
3. Positive affirmation such as my body is strong and powerful, I am great at making people laugh, I am good enough, I am worthy, etc.
Overall, I recommend you take a step back and focus on building self love and self acceptance. I believe that once you form a relationship with yourself, forming relationships with others is easier and more rewarding.